Anger

What is anger?

Anger is a normal and inevitable emotional response when something feels unfair or unjust.

You may believe someone has, or is threatening to, harm you or someone you care about.

The threat may be:

• Physical harm – you believe you, or someone you care about, is in physical danger.
• Psychological harm – you believe you, or someone you care about, is being emotionally or psychologically abused, which could be:
  • Name-calling
  • Constant criticism
  • Shaming
  • Intimidating
  • Humiliating
  • Belittling
• Social harm – you believe you, or someone you care about, is being subjected to:
  • Libel
  • Slander
  • Stigma
  • Discrimination

In the workplace, you may get angry at real or imagined threats to how others view or interact with you or others.

Although some believe anger is a negative emotion they should suppress or avoid, anger can also motivate positive action to right a wrong. Anger towards injustices motivates change. On a societal and a personal level, anger can also be an intense emotion. Anger can be used productively. 

When your reactions aren’t intentional, anger can lead to destructive words, actions or behaviours. 

The function of emotions describes what anger and other emotions might be telling you, and how you can use that information to help yourself and others. When you understand the information the anger is giving you, you’re better able to avoid being triggered or reacting in a way that may be destructive.

What triggers anger?

eMentalHealth.ca shares the following four main categories of triggers that tend to provoke anger. Some situations fall into more than one category.

• Frustration – Anger is a common reaction when something gets in the way of achieving something important. For example, you apply for a new position you really want and someone you think is less qualified gets the position.
• Irritation – Daily hassles are annoying and can trigger anger. For example, while trying to work, you keep getting interrupted. In another example, you realize you left something important at home and must go all the way back to get it.
• Abuse – Anger is a normal and expected reaction to verbal, physical or sexual abuse. For example, someone puts you down, hits you or forces you to do something you don’t want to do.
• Unfairness – Being treated unfairly can also trigger anger. For example, you’re blamed for failing to meet a deadline at work when your co-worker was the cause.

Confrontation is another common trigger for anger. Learning to tolerate confrontation can help you consider another’s perspective. You’d also learn to share your viewpoint in a calm and respectful way. You can also see  Resolving personal conflict for tips and techniques to use when dealing with conflict. 

What is a trigger? 

Triggers are specific stimuli that result in automatic and sometimes involuntary responses. The stimuli can be particular behaviours, words or emotional reactions of others. For some it can be crying, yelling, teasing, or the silent treatment. What triggers you can be influenced by your:

• Thoughts
• Memories
• Experiences

Your response to a trigger can include strong emotions such as: 

• Anger
• Frustration
• Sadness
• Shame

Your current mental, emotional and physical states are also factors. For example, if someone you know and trust gets angry, you may feel compassion. If someone you see as intimidating gets angry, you may feel fear or get angry yourself. 

Try to identify when you’re likely to have an automatic response to particular behaviours, words or situations. Then, you’re more apt to be able to choose your reaction to those emotional triggers more intentionally. This will probably result in less conflict, harm and regret.

Persistent anger may be:

• Part of an underlying mental health issue like post-traumatic stress disorder or depression
• The result of a brain injury
• A side effect of medications or supplements
• When anger becomes a problem

In these cases, it’s best to treat the underlying condition and include anger as a symptom to manage. 

When can anger become a problem?

Over time, physical and mental health problems can develop if you deny your anger or if you don’t resolve the issue. 

Inappropriate reactions to unresolved or unprocessed anger can also lead to loss of:

• Relationships
• Employment
• Trust

eMentalHealth.ca suggests anger may become a problem if it:

• Is too frequent. Sometimes anger is an appropriate and useful push to solve problems. However, coping with lots of anger every day may reduce the quality of your life, your relationships and your health. Even if your anger is justified, you’ll feel better if you choose to address your most important battles and let go of the rest.
• Is too intense. Very intense anger is rarely good. Anger triggers an adrenalin response and all kinds of physiological reactions. For example, your heart pumps faster and breathing speeds up. When you become very angry, you’re also much more likely to act on impulse. This may mean doing or saying something you later regret.
• Lasts too long. When angry feelings last for a long time, they’re hard on your mood and on your body. When you stay angry, the littlest thing can set you off.
• Leads to aggression. You’re more likely to become aggressive when your anger is intense. Lashing out at others either verbally or physically isn’t an effective way to deal with conflict. When anger leads to aggression, no one benefits.
• Disrupts work or relationships. Intense and frequent anger can lead to problems in your relationships with co-workers, family members and friends. At its worst, anger can lead to job loss and can damage or destroy important relationships.

How can you manage youranger?

It’s inevitable you’ll feel anger. What’s not inevitable is how you process and express your anger.

Anger can motivate you to take effective action to address an injustice. It’s problematic when you allow anger to dictate your behaviours. When you use anger’s wisdom, you can choose your behaviours. Feelings of anger exist on a continuum and vary in severity. Responses to the various levels of intensity can include:

• Motivation
• Inspiration
• Paralysis
• Fury
• Rage

Emotional reactions are often automatic and involuntary. What you do with this emotion is usually within your control. It’s not about never feeling angry – it’s about learning ways to express your anger constructively to minimize the negative impacts angry behaviour can have on you or others.

Express anger constructively includes tips of how to respond more effectively when you’re angry. 

When you’re angry, you may change the way you move and speak. It’s important to be aware of these changes, as others may interpret them in ways you didn’t intend. Body language awareness and Communicating with clarity can help you be more intentional.

Anger may also be a symptom of other strong feelings and emotions. In this case, anger would be considered secondary to fear, hurt, shame or other emotions. You may feel an expression of anger shows strength, while displays of fear or anxiety, insecurity or hurt are signs of weakness. This perspective isn’t true, but it may be a result of our upbringing or experiences. Knowing the underlying emotion means you can likely deal with the issue that caused it more effectively. Part of emotional intelligence is the ability to express all emotions effectively

Challenging angry thoughts can help you when anger feels all-consuming or is holding you back from dealing with other issues. 

Don't make it worse

eMentalHealth.ca says how you behave once you’ve experienced an anger-provoking situation can have a big impact on how much anger you experience and how long the feeling lasts. Try to avoid:

• Bottling it up. One way to deal with anger is to avoid saying anything and walking away mad. This way of coping with anger is usually ineffective because:
  • The problem doesn’t go away
  • When you think about what happened, you get angrier 
  • Over time, your anger turns into resentment 
  • You haven’t tried to solve the problem, so you may end up feeling discouraged and even worse about yourself
• Getting defensive. If you react too quickly to feeling angry, you’re more likely to express unhelpful hostility towards others. When you come across as bitter or antagonistic, it’s more likely the other person will respond with hostility.
• Lashing out. Physical or verbal aggression is rarely the best response to an anger-provoking situation. Aggressive acts are usually impulsive acts you’ll regret later. Aggression leads to negative consequences for everyone involved and doesn't solve anything in the long run.

For information and tips on understanding and managing other emotions, see Emotional intelligence for employees.

Additional resources

• Responding to crying and whining. Many people feel uncomfortable with these displays of emotion. Learn how to respond in a more effective way.
• Responding to lying. People lie for all kinds of reasons. On this page, we talk about:
  • Reasons people lie
  • How you can react to a lie
  • Ways you can foster safe communication, so individuals feel more comfortable telling the truth 
• Someone you care about is struggling with anger. Questions and strategies can help you have a supportive conversation when someone you care about is struggling with anger.
• Team activity — Anger as a symptom. Examine situations where anger is a symptom of an underlying emotion like guilt or shame. 
• Team activity — Emotional triggers. Understand your emotional triggers to choose an effective response rather than react to the emotion.
• Team activity – Express anger constructively. Explore how expressing anger constructively may be the best way to minimize problematic circumstances in the future.
• Team activity — The function of emotions. Team members can examine different ranges of emotional responses and what functions they may serve.
• Learn to understand the following emotions, so you’re better positioned to deal with them in yourself and others: 
  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Fear
  • Sadness
• Violence response for leaders. Questions for assessing an employee's propensity for violence in the workplace. Consider recommending that the employee see a trauma counsellor.