Time required
Approximately 20 minutes, depending on group size.
Instructions
In advance of the activity, have the following sentences available to show on a screen (if there is anyone in your group with one of these names, use a different name):
- “Tim’s always angry because he’s a jerk.”
- “Alex’s always on the verge of tears because they’re such a softie.”
- “Dani’s always anxious when there are tight deadlines because they’re not cut out for their position.”
Suggested wording
When we interact with others, especially when they’re stressed or emotional, it’s natural to try to understand the reasons for their negative emotions and reactions. We are often quite accurate when determining the causes of and contributors to other people’s positive emotional states. However, we’re less accurate when we judge others’ negative emotions, which is unhelpful for open and honest dialogue. To enhance your emotional intelligence, learn to develop a non-judgmental understanding of others, their behaviours and their reactions to situations. One of the traps we may fall into, however, when dealing with negative emotions in the workplace, is making simplistic and judgmental interpretations, such as:
Tim’s always angry because he’s a jerk.
What reasons do you think could cause somebody to be angry most of the time?
[Take up the answers from the group. If they don’t come up with it, you could add that Tim may be dealing with family or relationship problems, has chronic pain or feels blamed or attacked.]
Alex is always on the verge of tears because they’re such a softie.
What reasons do you think could cause someone to cry often?
[Take up the answers from the group. If they don’t come up with it, you could add that Alex may be experiencing depression or anxiety, has a child who’s very ill or fears losing her job.]
Dani’s always anxious when there are tight deadlines because they’re not cut out for their position.
[Take up the answers from the group. If they don’t come up with it, you could add that Dani may have perfectionist tendencies that don’t serve her well, is unable to express they’re frustration about other people not doing their share or they’re approaching or are in burnout.]
When we’re aware that our assumptions and judgments about people may not be correct or the entire story, we’re less likely to make a judgment about them. This can change our thoughts, our words and our actions to be less harmful and more effective. For each of the examples that we’ve covered, record a non-judgmental statement about their behaviours. Do this while thinking that you couldn’t possibly understand what they’re going through.
[Take up as many answers as you have time for. Then wrap-up with the words below.]
Spend the rest of the day noticing your thoughts, assumptions and judgments about others. Be aware of how many of these thoughts are objective or factual such as, “Tim is speaking to his co-worker in a loud voice” versus how many are based on subjective or unfounded assumptions or judgments such as, “Tim is a jerk”.
Actively work on catching yourself when you have judgmental thoughts and translating them into objective, factual descriptions. This process takes time and practice, but will eventually start to feel natural.
Find more activities like this at Team building activities.