Strengthening relationships

Why this matters

There are many things you can do to strengthen your relationships. These approaches can lead to a win-win situation in which both parties feel more respected and valued. They can also help you more effectively deal with challenges when your relationship foundation is strong.

Explore and reflect

Reaching out to strengthen your relationships

The following approaches can help you to build, maintain or improve your relationships.

• Ask for information. Express your respect for and interest in another person’s knowledge or opinion. For example, you show people you value their opinion when you ask them to help you think through a problem or challenge.
• Show interest. Demonstrate your attention to what matters to another person by asking about their hobbies or activities. For example, ask someone who loves cooking about their favourite recipes.
• Express affirmation and approval. Be specific in your compliments. For example, instead of saying the person’s presentation was great, repeat the words that most inspired you.
• Express caring or support. Take time to recognize when someone could use your emotional support. For example, when someone has experienced a loss, like a job, relationship or loved one, ask how you can be supportive. It may be that the only thing you can do is listen.
• Offer assistance. Notice when someone could benefit from the type of support you’re able to provide. For example, when someone appears to be overwhelmed, you could offer to get lunch for them.
• Lighten the mood. Without minimizing pain or suffering, sharing a laugh together can bring people closer together. A safe approach to humour is making good-natured fun of yourself. For example, lighthearted joking about a mistake you made: “Sometimes, the hurrier I go, the behinder I get!”
• Share non-verbal signals. You can show people you care without saying a word. For example, a smile, a wave, a pat on the back or a thumbs up when they’re making an effort to accomplish a task shows your support.

When someone reaches out to you

Reaching out to connect with others is only half of the way to strengthening relationships. The other part is how we react when they reach out to us.

When someone reaches out to you, there are 2 ways you could respond. You can turn towards them or turn away from them.

• Turn towards. This means responding in a positive way to the person who’s reaching out to you. You show acceptance, agreement, affection, encouragement or excitement for their efforts.
  • For example, when:
    • Asked for information, you might respond, “Thanks for asking my opinion.”
    • Shown interest, you might respond, “Thanks for remembering I enjoy that activity.”
    • You receive affirmation or approval, you might respond, “It’s so kind that you paid such close attention.”
    • Offered caring or support, you might respond, “I appreciate your thoughtfulness.”
    • Offered assistance, you might respond, “You’re always so helpful, thank you.”
    • Someone tries to cheer you up, you might respond, “You always bring a smile to my face.”
    • Someone sends non-verbal signals, you might respond, “I always feel your support.”

In these examples, your response strengthens and deepens your relationship.

• Turn away. This means responding in a way that is dismissive, argumentative, sarcastic, irritable or hostile. 

  o For example, when: 

  • • Asked for information, you might respond, “You don’t need my input.”
    • Shown interest, you might respond with a monologue about you without expressing appreciation for their interest. 
    • You receive affirmation or approval, you might respond, “Oh, it was nothing,” failing to acknowledge their attempt to connect with you.
    • Offered caring or support, you might respond, “I’m fine,” denying them the opportunity to feel closer to you.
    • Offered assistance, you might respond, “No thanks, I’ll do it myself” without expressing genuine gratitude for their offer.
    • Someone tries to cheer you up, you might respond, “I’m not in the mood for humour,” dismissing their good intentions.
    • Someone sends non-verbal signals, you might not respond at all.

In these examples, your response or lack of response weakens or damages your relationship.

The way you respond can significantly impact the strength of your relationships. If you repeatedly turn away from others, they may eventually stop reaching out. On the contrary, if you turn toward a person as often as you can, your relationship can be strengthened and become more positive and supportive.

Take action 

Copy this list and keep it somewhere you can easily refer to it. Use it as a reference to choose or reflect upon your responses to others as well as to guide how you reach out.

• Ask for information
• Show interest
• Express affirmation and approval
• Express caring or support
• Offer assistance
• Lighten the mood
• Share non-verbal signals

Additional resources

• Body language awareness. Effective communication isn’t limited to the words we say. Our non-verbal communication includes body language, tone of voice, eye contact and facial expressions.
• Choose your words. Learn how your choice of words can make a difficult conversation even more difficult.
• Communicating with clarity. Learn how to adjust the intensity with which you communicate to improve your ability to clearly get your message across.
• Listen to understand. Listening is an important communication skill that becomes even more critical when you're listening to someone who's emotionally distressed. These tips and strategies can help.